The Art of Muggalization
by RealDracosBride
Summary: Lighthearted post-war tale of romance and goofiness. Harry and Hermione help introduce their pure-blooded friends to some muggle ideas in a silly way. Excerpt -"...I'm pretty sure I just watched my husband make out with a man. Not just any man, but a man prettier than myself! At least you have good taste honey." Ginny giggled.-


"What do you mean you invited Malfoy?!"

"Ron, it's not that big of a deal. He is just going to play quidditch with us." Harry said.

"NOT a big deal? It's Draco SODDING Malfoy! Junior Deatheater, little slimy ferret face. You know the one with the Dark Mark etched on his forearm… did you forget all of that!?"

"Ron! Seriously, it's just one game of quidditch, and you know he wasn't a deatheater by choice. We have had this entire conversation before…many times! And he has changed. He works in the Auror office with me now, he is in Magical Law. Honestly, he is not that bad, and it is NOT that big of a deal." Harry stated.

"You have GOT to be joking. Bloody Draco Malfoy playing pick-up quidditch with us. This is ridiculous. Just wait until Ginny hears who you invited. She is going to lose it!" Ron said.

"Wait until I hear what?" Ginny asked as she walked out to the field behind the burrow and greeted Harry with a kiss.

"You're gonna get it now, Harry!" Ron said with glee, as he looked at his younger sister. "Gin, do you have any idea who your husband invited to play with us today?"

"If you are talking about Draco Malfoy, Yes, I DO know, and No, I do NOT want to hear it. Harry is trying to be a kind, mature, adult. You should try it sometime. They've been working together for a month, and Malfoy doesn't have a lot of friends right now. So, try to be nice. He's grown up a lot in the past 5 years according to Harry, so I DO NOT want to hear another word. Ronald Billius Weasley, DO NOT make a big deal of this, and play nice. Or you will regret it! Do you hear me?"

Ron rolled his eyes. Younger though she was, there was no arguing with Ginny when she put her foot down.

"Why did you tell her though and not me?" Ron asked Harry. Harry looked away guiltily. "Wait, does everybody else know too?"

"Well…" started Harry. "Yeah, everyone else knows. And before you flip out again, remember how you just reacted. I knew you would react that way, and sometimes it's better to just spring things on you. Before you have time to stew over them."

"Just bloody great! Everyone knew but me! And are they still coming to play? What did they say?" Ron asked.

"Everyone is still coming. I won't say they were thrilled with the idea, but they all handled it better than you just did."

Before Ron could argue anymore he was interrupted by three pops of apparition. George, his girlfriend Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell all arrived in the field in front of them. Followed closely by Bill, Percy and Charlie who had moved home from Romania right after the war.

"Hey Harry, where's the ferret?" George asked with a laugh.

"He will be here soon." Harry assured him, ignoring the name calling. He certainly didn't expect that to stop overnight.

"Well he better be. Otherwise we will have to go inside and get either Hermione or mum to come out so we can have even teams." George said.

"Mum is busy making lunch. So we'd just have to make Percy sit out. We all know 'Mione is not getting on a broom." Bill laughed.

Everyone laughed at the idea of either Hermione or Mrs. Weasley on a broom. The laughing discontinued immediately at the sight of Malfoy's blond head approaching the field. Everyone watched silently as he approached. Harry was the only one who walked up to greet him.

"Hey Malfoy, how's it going? I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show." Harry asked.

"Pretty good, Potter. Yeah, I almost bailed. So you're still sure no one is going to knock me off my broom? Or bludgeon me with bludgers? Weasel looks fit to kill right now?" Malfoy asked.

"I talked to him." Harry replied, but Malfoy still didn't appear convinced. "And Ginny threatened him." Harry added.

Malfoy almost chuckled, until he remembered his surroundings and the slightly hostile environment.

"Well, let's pick teams then, and get going. I don't have all day. Mum will have lunch ready before too long." Ron huffed.

"Is that all you ever think about? Food?" Ginny asked.

Ron grumbled under his breath.

"Well who're the captains? I say we go by most handsome bloke? That'd be me, of course. Or we could always let the handicapped get first priority, it's only fair. And with the missing ear, I say I qualify for that position as well. Unless you want to go with mentally handicapped and that of course would be little Ronnikins." George said as he pinched Ron's cheek, earning him an elbow to the ribs. "Someone's touchy today." He added.

"I say we go with the oldest. That'd be me and Charlie." Bill suggested.

"Oh goodness. This will take all day. Harry is a captain, because he is ALWAYS a captain, and Charlie will be the other, because he is the only other one who has ever been a Hogwarts captain. Shove it, RON. If you want to eat today, just go with it. It's already 10:30." Ginny said and no one argued. Ron only folded his arms across his chest with a huff.

Harry picked first.

"I'll take Ginny." He said with a smile.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"I'll take the ferret." Charlie said, earning a look of shock from everyone, especially from Malfoy himself.

"What?" Charlie asked, putting his hands up defensively, "Who else is gonna play seeker for our team? Certainly not Percy again. Harry is the only one who can really play that position, besides Mr. Malfoy here. By the way, why do they call you Ferret? You don't look much like a ferret to me?" Charlie asked to Malfoy.

"Long story. " Malfoy said as he shook his head.

Harry and Charlie picked the remaining players for a good 5 on 5 game. The match was pretty even. Percy certainly wasn't the greatest beater, but Bill wasn't the most agile chaser since the werewolf attack nearly six years ago, so the teams were evenly matched. Harry's team was up by 10 points after Ginny scored on Charlie again, and everyone was hoping for the match to end soon. Their stomachs could probably be heard rumbling from the ground as it was well past lunch time now. If Harry or Draco didn't catch the snitch soon, they would just end the game unofficially and pick it up next week. Everyone was exhausted at this point, and were just lazily flying around waiting for the seekers to spot the snitch. Neither seeker had even spotted the snitch once. That's when Ron caught a glimpse of the snitch flash by him, and he tried to nonchalantly point this out to Harry. Winking, and coughing and whispering, did not get Harry's attention, so Ron pulled a little bronze knut from his pocket and hurled it towards Harry. He missed Harry, and hit Percy who was flying below. Percy looked up and gave Ron a dirty look. Ron waved him off, and chucked another knut at Harry, harder this time. He still missed, hitting Percy once again. Knut after knut, continued to hit Percy, but Ron was determined. Finally, Percy flew up to Ron.

"What do you want?" He asked irritably.

"I'm trying to get Harry's attention, I saw the snitch, still see it, actually." Ron whispered.

"Well, I have a few galleons in my pocket, I bet I could hit him from here. Is Malfoy looking this way?" Ron shook his head no.

Percy chucked three galleons up at Harry to no avail. This did however, catch George's attention. George flew over to the goals to see what in the world his brothers were doing.

"We're trying to get Harry's attention." Ron told George before he could even ask, as Percy launched another coin at Harry.

"You all are going about this all wrong," George said, "Here, I'll just knock this bludger over and tap his broom, real gentle like…"

Percy grabbed the beater before he could hit a bludger over at Harry. "Are you mad?! You'll knock him off his broom."

George practically wrestled the beater back from Percy, "No, I'm going to do it really gently."

"You can't just beat a sodding bludger gently. You'll hurt him. Just fly up there and whisper to him. Or throw some coins, but not a bludger, you moron!"

"Percy, seriously! I know what I'm doing." George whisper-yelled. Both still pulling the beater bat back and forth.

"Perce, he used to do this in practice all the time, he won't hurt him." Ron added.

Neither Percy nor George let go of the bat though. They pulled back and forth until Ron jumped in.

"You guys are acting ridiculous! LET GO." Ron said.

Just then Ron forcefully pulled Percy off of the bat, but George had let go at the same time, spinning a few times on his broom before regaining balance. Somehow they had launched the bat straight out. Tumbling end over end it shot across the field. The beater soared so fast and so unexpectedly that no one even had time to yell out a warning before it collided with the side of Malfoy's broom. He hadn't even been looking in their direction, leaving him no time to grab his broom handle. He toppled over and fell over 100 feet and hit the ground flat on his back before anyone could even pull out their wands to cushion or slow his fall.

Everyone raced down to Malfoy, who laid flat and unmoving. Everyone except for Percy, Ron and George.

"Well, no one is gonna believe THAT was an accident," George told his brothers as they hovered over everyone else. "Seriously, the ferret mysteriously dies on Weasley property from a stray Weasley beater. No one will buy that this was an accident. I'm not saying they'll care, but no one will believe it."

When Percy, Ron and George made it down to everyone else, Harry was brandishing his wand repeatedly. Nearly shouting the "renerverate" spell on Malfoy. But, he still lay unmoving. Harry was becoming increasingly nervous, and upset, so Ginny stepped in. Motioning her wand in the same movement as Harry, she repeated the same spell. Still, no response. She tried three other spells, but he still lay motionless. Katie stepped up and grabbed his wrist.

"I feel a faint pulse." She said, "But I don't know why he isn't waking up. Ginny, is he breathing?!"

"I don't think so! We need to apparate him to St. Mungo's and quickly. I don't know what else we can do."

Harry scooted closer to Malfoy. "I think I know what to do." He said.

Mrs. Weasley was bustling about her kitchen, preparing lunch for everyone, as Hermione set the table. Hermione spent every Saturday doing this, as much as she loved her friends, she wasn't about to spend all morning craning her neck to watch them play a sport she had no interest in. Instead, she enjoyed the time helping her surrogate mother cook lunch and then took pleasure in eating with all of her friends. As she laid down the last plate on the long table the kitchen door burst open. Angelina came barreling in, clearly out of breath, her face etched in panic.

"Hermione! Come quick! It's Malfoy! He fell from his broom, he won't renerverate! They were about to take him to St. Mungo's and then Harry said he knew of something to do, but then I remembered you! You are almost done with your healer training! Oh goodness! How did I forget!? But you must come! Quickly! "Angelina babbled on.

"Ang, take a breath. I'm coming." Hermione said as she sprinted out the door with her Healer bag and coat in hand.

As they neared the field they could see George, Ron, Bill, and Charlie coming towards them. Laughing hysterically.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" Angelina screamed. "This isn't funny. He could be dead! What is wrong with you all? Especially you, George Weasley. I can't believe you!" Angelina continued as she began slapping George, nearly in tears.

"Oi! You lunatic! He is up and fine, good as can be!" Ron interjected.

"What? How? What happened?" Angelina asked.

"Why don't you ask Harry 'Prince Charming' Potter over there?" Bill said with a laugh. Before Angelina could ask another question the Weasley brothers were laughing even harder than before. George actually fell onto the ground clenching his sides as he guffawed.

Hermione and Angelina looked over to see Malfoy stomping away to the apparition point, Harry sitting on the ground with Ginny, seemingly explaining something to her. Katie was sitting near them, suppressing her own laughs.

"What in the world is going on?" Hermione asked as she walked up to Harry and Ginny.

"This is precisely why I went into Auror training instead of being in the field. I thought Malfoy was dead. He certainly isn't my best mate, but I can't even imagine watching someone else die again." Harry said somberly and Ginny embraced him. "And all these pure blooded wizards and witches around here-no offense Ginny- won't quit laughing at something that is NOT funny! He could have died."

"Harry, sweetie. I completely understand your feelings about this. Thankfully Malfoy looked fine as he left. But, please, tell me what is going on. I'm so confused." Hermione told him.

Ginny looked up at her, "Well, somehow –and we still haven't figured this part out- a beater bat flew through the air and hit Malfoy's broom, and he landed flat on his back. He must've been 200 feet up. And 'renerverate' wouldn't work. Nothing worked. We were beginning to panic, and I said we should take him to St. Mungo's but Harry said to wait, that he knew what to do. And then he well-"Ginny halted, her serious expression gone as she tried to suppress a giggle. "Well, he called it something. But next thing I know, Harry is kissing Malfoy!" She stopped to laugh.

"I mean. He opened Malfoy's mouth and then his own and started bloody snogging him! It was quite disturbing, actually. He wouldn't listen to us. He just started pounding on his chest and then he would kiss him again. REALLY, TRULY snogging Malfoy! Open mouths!" She stopped explaining and just lost it, uncontrollably laughing.

"HARRY!" Hermione interjected, "Are you trained to do that? Are you certified?"

"You have to be certified to snog somebody senseless?" Angelina asked in a fit of giggles.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "It's called CPR. Muggles use it to get someone's heart going again. He wasn't snogging him- I hope- he was blowing air into his lungs."

"That's what Harry said. But that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. No offense Mione but, muggle practices can be odd. Because I'm pretty sure I just watched my husband make out with a man. Not just any man, but a man prettier than me. At least you have good taste, sweetheart." Ginny said to Harry, still giggling, as she patted his back and made her way to the house with Angelina and Katie.

"Harry, are you trained to do that? Have you had CPR training?" Hermione asked.

"Well, no. But obviously I did it alright. He walked away, just fine. Limping a little, but he was breathing and his heart is beating. So, I guess I didn't need the training. The movies I watched were training enough apparently." He replied.

"Harry James Potter! He probably has broken ribs, they could've punctured an organ. We have to go get him. He has to be treated- by a PROFESSIONAL!" Hermione said.

"You can go! I'm not going anywhere near some man who thinks I just bloody snogged his corpse! It's not really the best way to begin your standard male-bonding. So, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't expect him to come to next week's match. He will be fine. He'll go to St. Mungo's if something's wrong." Harry said.

"Give me his address. He needs medical attention, and you know he isn't about to go waltzing into St. Mungo's. I'm going to get him, make sure he isn't internally bleeding to death and hopefully explain CPR to Mr. Purest Pureblood himself before he files for sexual harassment." Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Fine. " Harry said, and he gave her his address, and she apparated away.


End file.
